The concept of dating for a singleton is both daunting and exciting. The fear that you will have to endure some outlandish dinners with someone you just aren’t clicking with, is equalised and often overridden by the butterfly feeling you anticipate when you meet someone you can’t stop thinking about. The weeks of planning, the eagerly awaiting friends, the cheques and tips, the walks home and the awkward lips-or-cheek-kiss scenario, yes, dating is a minefield of emotions but why do we do it, because ultimately love is man’s biggest wealth.
So to add another ingredient to the stirring pot, technology has created a whole new realm of dating. Texting is a great way to arrange and speak with your next date without any awkward silences, body behaviour analysis or pretences. If you have their number, you don’t have to worry too much about how you look or where your eyes are wondering when you speak to them. Then of course, if the date goes wrong and you find yourself dreading a potential second date, you can simply send them a text and get on with your day. But as you stat typing the bad news, you will stumble and find yourself in a dilemma, toying between feeling too guilty to say it face to face, but too cowardly and unsure of how to phrase it to send the message via text. Now what?
Actually, declining a date over text doesn’t have to be too hard, as long as you follow these simple rules.
- Start off with asking how they are. Open questions will show your date that you are ending the acquaintance but not shutting off and running away. If they don’t respond, at least it wasn’t a question you will lose sleep over.
- Throw in at least one compliment somewhere. Let them know you really enjoyed meeting them or will be visiting the restaurant they took you to again. You don’t want to come off cold-hearted and unfriendly, and this way they won’t feel like it was a complete waste of time.
- Make sure you are clear about your intentions. In a scenario like this, it is very easy to let the guilt take over and you might end up saying something along the lines of “perhaps we could meet as friends”. If this isn’t what you want, don’t say it. Remember they asked you on a date so are looking to progress with you and are likely to cling on to any hooks you leave them. The last thing you want is to have to say no twice.
- Avoid text-typing. “g2G”, “c ya” and “thnx anyway” are too impersonal and rushed. Show them you have at least taken the time to type out a formally read message.
- The dreaded ‘do I put a kiss on the end of the text?’ question. If you’re worried about point 3 occurring, you might think an ‘x’ on the end of the text is the wrong thing to do. If you haven’t included them all along, then maintain that. But if you have, ending the dating process with them doesn’t mean changing how you speak to them, so a ‘x’ can’t do any harm.
- Once the conversation has been closed, it is probably best to delete their number. The last thing you want is to wake up with a cocktail hangover and a load of texts taking you all the way back to square one with them.