Secret love: should you tell your best friend you love them?

should you tell your best friend you love them

Love is too precious to deny; too rare to discount. But is it too terrifying to acknowledge? Never. Should you tell your best friend you love them? Assuming there are no third parties involved then, yes – tell them.

Start of something new

Should you tell your best friend you love them or will telling them jeopardise your friendship? First, consider and monitor your emotions over a period of several months; don’t act on impulse. Is this a passing crush? Are your feelings proximity/familiarity-based or do they stem from previously unresolved relationship issues? After taking this time, have your feelings intensified?

If your feelings remain definite, then asking should you tell your best friend you love them is redundant; you have no option but to act on your feelings – or live a lie. If there is sexual attraction, your love is no longer familial but romantic and your friendship is already compromised; what you both shared is not at risk, it no longer exists in its previous incarnation – but at present, only one of you knows this. However well meant, by concealing your feeling you are essentially deceiving your best friend and betraying their trust. This trust is a privilege; don’t squander it.

Should you tell your best friend you love them: apprehension

Understandably, you fear that by telling your best friend you will upset the status quo, potentially losing them forever. Love is always a risk. Of all the things to be told by another person this is by far one of the nicest. Yes, your relationship will change, but change is healthy as relationships mature; this is evolution not destruction. Initially, your friend may withdraw or become emotional; whatever the outcome, where there’s love (in whatever form), there is always hope.

Once you have made your decision, stop asking should you tell your best friend you love them: have the courage of your convictions. Be brave, honest, direct. Then allow your best friend time and space – without pressure. Ultimately, whether you decide to tell your best friend or not, either decision is fraught and will require resilience.

Should you tell your best friend you love them?

Real love doesn’t come along everyday. Those who think it does mistake life for fairytale, for cinema; they mistake lust for love. As you age, the pool of individuals who just ‘get’ you will diminish severely. There isn’t an endless supply of these special people. Lust fades, but true companionship born of understanding and acceptance is beautiful and enduring; it’s the source of abiding love, and it’s rare to find this sort of friendship in a romantic partner. Romance and a best friend combined? It is the relationship we all aspire to have, and it’s within reach – if only you dare to take that leap. Or, live your life wondering, what if…

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