A letter to a loved one…..

A LETTER TO A LOVED ONE

Hello there,
Your sister called me today. She wanted to hear how a whore’s voice sounds like. Those were the first words she said to me when I received her call. I deserved it for sure. I haven’t been listening to your friend’s warnings nor your brother’s threats and when your mother called me; I hang up on her. She’s the most polite human being in your family that I have encountered so far by the way.

You see, I have family too. I am just to embarrassed to involve them in my shame so, I avoid picking new calls to avoid your family and friends. That’s how I lost my dream job; something am entirely to blame for. I didn’t pick up that important call because it was a private number and I didn’t know which one of your battalion was calling me that day. You must have noticed that I am not on social media anymore. Right? I know you still check up on me.When you sent me several insulting and threatening messages on Facebook and your brother sent me a friend request; I deleted the account. My Instagram is private now and my twitter happens to be inactive.

When I met James; you were dead. He never talked about you except the fact that he missed his dead wife and how it was hard for him to raise his kids alone. I’ve met all your children by the way. Your youngest daughter needs you more than you think she does. She is going through a strange phase that I have been through. To be honest, if I knew he was lying about you being dead; I would have never dated him but how would I know.

I met his sisters, his brother and his mother and none of them acted like he was still married. I’ve been at family gatherings; why didn’t you show up earlier!? For 4 years: every weekend spent with me and the kids, where were you? That phone call you made to me that day asking me to respect marriages, struck my heart. It made me loath myself more than I loathed him. I felt like I had 4 years of my time wasted. Just Like that; my worst nightmare came to life. I have been aching to meet you and see what you look like so, thank you for today.

I saw you today and I must say, he must have seen something in you. You probably didn’t notice how I looked at you like I was inspecting your soul. Truth be told; I was trying to look for the beautiful thing he saw in you, because I know James. He is visual just like other men. After a long stare and a not so fruitful search, I figured you must be one of those rare women whose beauty is deeply rooted. Maybe to him, a woman who was able to cook, clean and carry pregnancies was the ideal wife material. After all, he told me that he always wanted 12 children. Well I admire you. I must say; I personally don’t think I would have gotten to your point. I am the rebel.

I write you this letter because I need to make things clear. I am not here to take your place. I never knew there was you to begin with. He has already educated your kids and put you in a comfortable state where you do not need to work. You should be glad. I am the good ones. Like no; really, I am the good ones that respect loyalty marriage and fellow women. I do not take more than required. I am faithful and loyal, your secrets remain secrets. I, at times lately, remind him of your date with him and even prepare him in advance. I know you have probably noticed he is now a good kisser. I am not proud of it. I am just trying to leave and am stuck in the mud so am waiting it out.

I know you love James enough for the both of us. I myself, have grown fond of him but to be honest I am smart. You may judge me, it’s allowed but you should know that I don’t feel a thing for him except confusion and frustrations ever since I found out that you existed. I grew up knowing good is that which benefits the individual and doesn’t hurt anyone else and I am always in every sense a good person. I don’t hurt you, I hurt myself most days.

I make him happy like you would want him to be, more stylish and younger looking. I look at it as a selfless act, because I deny myself some pleasures lately. I hope to open up a home for the elderly, so hopefully we shall meet there and talk more and maybe you will get your chance to thank me. I hope you liked your birthday gift. It wasn’t my suggestion. I just gave the guidelines. I am not here to stay, I am just trying to gather the strength to leave. This is a first for me. Give me some time, I’ll be on my way. I am not a monster; I am the woman that was caught up in a web she’s struggling to escape from.

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Lifestyle blogger and relationship writer at nerdyclues.com. Feminist, believes in empowerment and gender equity. Sociologist. Kenyan.

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