Rules of dating dictate how we behave in relationships…even if our actions are unreflective of how we really feel. Women are seen as more emotional creatures. Constant communication helps us feel connected to our mates. How will they know what we want unless we tell them? However, our openness can backfire. If we express our emotions too soon or communicate too often, we can be seen as needy. How can we get our point across without falling onto that double edged sword?
Showing instead of telling
Communication entails more than verbal cues. Show your mate your desires as opposed to just telling him. If you like cuddling while watching television, snuggle up next to him. Surprise him with his favorite meal or memorabilia from his favorite sports team. These little gestures show your mate how you want to be treated and will encourage reciprocity.
Say what you mean, and mean what you say
All too often, we hear the words “always” and “never”, but are they realistic? Think about these phrases, “you always ignore me when…” or “you never listen to…” Statements that are totalitarian in nature can immediately shut others down. The person making them is seen as an extremist, so even though their concerns might be valid, they will be disregarded. Try using statements such as “when you do this, it makes me feel as though” and “I don’t like when…” Be sure to provide the reasons behind your statements. Avoiding exaggerative language will help your message to be received better.
Ugh. Speaks for itself.
Seek reciprocity, but don’t go tit for tat
When we put forth a certain amount of effort in a relationship, we automatically assume that it will be returned. That is not always the case. Sometimes it can take time for reciprocity to evolve. Allow your partner time to develop an understanding of what you need. What you do for your partner should be out of the goodness of your heart. Expecting him to go “tit for tat” is unrealistic.
A thin line exists between expressing ourselves and being needy. We should be able to express ourselves freely without the fear of being labeled. While men are not exempt from being poor communicators, we can do our part to ease the process by modifying our approach. Try these techniques to improve your connection with your partner.