I know everyone out there has their own advice and opinion on how best to get over a breakup… but having been through the most devasting, crippling breakup of my life, and not only surviving, but emerging on the other side as a better person (albeit, a LONG time later) I wanted to share my experience – and my mistakes – so that maybe, just maybe, I can help somebody out there who thinks they won’t make it.
Here’s How To Get Over A Broken Heart
#1: Cold Turkey
I feel VERY strongly about this. Once the breakup is final, and all the necessary details that come with it are dealt with, its time to cut ties. No texting, no calling, no midnight booty calls or breakup sex. Get him off your social media. You can try to argue with me on this point but NO YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS. I’m sorry, but its the cold hard truth. Eventually, yes, you made be able to be friends, but ask yourself this: Could you truly and honestly be happy for him if he is with someone else? Be honest here. If the answer is anything but yes, then you cannot be friends.
#2: Feel the Pain
I fail miserably on this one. I hate feeling down, so I push myself to just move on – without allowing myself to just be sad and feel my feelings. Give yourself some time to just be sad. I think its really important to the healing process. Because I always end up skipping this step, I think getting over heartbreak takes me a lot longer than I should, because issues pop up later that I haven’t dealt with.
#3: Make the Decision
Okay, now that you’ve been sad for a bit, get your ass up off the couch and GO DO SOMETHING. Not only does this mean going out with friends, visiting family, and taking care of yourself, but you also need to get there mentally. Change your attitude. Good things are going to come your way. Your last relationship wasn’t meant to be, which means there is something better out there for you. Trust me. Get happy. Whatever this means for you, but I suggest adopting a “say yes policy”. Say yes when people ask you to do things, even if you don’t feel like it (within reason of course). Maybe you don’t feel ike going out or socializing, but you just never know what opportunities might arise from that situation.
This is the necessary last step. It is unique to each individual situation how it might take shape. And it might take a long, long time to get there. You can’t get here until all the other steps are complete and you are truly content with yourself and how the situation turned out. And this is when you get to say goodbye and close the door.
In my most devastating breakup, it took me four years to get there (read about it on my blog). I hadn’t seen him since we broke up (after 8 years) and four years later, I finally faced him, hugged him, and said how great it was to see him. And closed the door. And it felt great. I know I’ve finally let go of any remaining baggage from that heartbreak, and I’m truly ready for my next relationship.
What do you think? Have I got it right? Or do you have any other suggestions for getting over the love of your life?