You’ve been dating online a bit and talking to a few guys. Things seem to be going well. You may even be flooded with attention and excited about the possibilities. Then, you check your phone and there it is, a picture of his… Oh hell no!
That wasn’t what you were hoping for.
In my opinion, there is a time and a place for removal of clothing, and I believe in courtship. I do not feel that sending unsolicited pictures of one’s private parts early on in a relationship is ever appropriate. To me, it’s downright disrespectful. I’m a relationship-minded girl and if you’re with me, read on. If not, that’s cool too, but this blog post isn’t for you.
If you’ve received a much-too-revealing photo from a man you’ve just started seeing and this isn’t quite what you wanted, I’d like for you to take a look at three things: your profile, your method of screening dates and how you interact with the men you’re in contact with.
First, consider your profile. Do you lead with sexy? Do you have revealing photos? Do you have photos of you and your 19 closest girlfriends tying one on at happy hour? Is your profile carefully written to appeal to relationship-minded men or did you toss up a quick jumble of words saying that you’re fun and up for a good time?
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with happy hour, being fun or sexy, but consider your audience. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, post a profile that says so and make sure that your photos match this image.
You don’t have to be boring, but you don’t have to throw it all out there. Leave something to the imagination.
Second, please screen your dates. You really don’t have to try to meet ten men a week for coffee, happy hour, whatever. Dating doesn’t have to be churning through numbers at the speed of light.
You can look at men’s profiles and see what they wrote, talk to them on the phone before deciding to meet, and have real dates instead of interviews. Don’t decide to date a man just because he has a good picture or job description. Find out who this person is before you commit to spending time with him.
Finally, consider your interactions with the men you’re dating. Do you allow them to text and text without phone calls or dates? Do you get drawn into conversation threads that lead into subjects that make you uncomfortable?
Remember that dating is for you.
Men know how to take care of themselves and they expect women to do the same. If something makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to accommodate him. Make it clear what you want.
If he’s not respectful, he’s not your guy, but most men are very respectful of women who know what they want and are willing to take responsibility for themselves.
If you’re pulling in guys who aren’t respectful, circle back to your profile and pics. Then, screen for appropriate men before you give out your number. You’ll have higher quality dates and fewer scary pics on your phone. Happy dating!