I was talking to a friend recently about a guy I’d gone out with a couple of times but I didn’t sense any romantic chemistry. So my friend asked me if this was someone I could grow to have chemistry with. The question rendered me slightly speechless (doesn’t happen that often) as I’m a strong believer in you either have chemistry or you don’t. It’s not something that can be manufactured or something that requires ‘heating up’ so to speak. At least not in my experience it doesn’t. But this had me thinking…am I too quick to dismiss any romantic interest because I’m looking for some ethereal connection? After all, I’m 43 (soon to be 44) and single so maybe I need to take a second look at what motivates me in the dating department. As a result, I started thinking, “how do I define chemistry?”, “what’s the endgame here?”, “what exactly do you want?”
What is Chemistry anyway?
For me, chemistry has always been the thing that no word can adequately capture. It’s a rhythm to your interaction with someone that reveals itself without effort. It happens organically. It’s a mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual connection that refuses to be defined. It’s a siren that only the two of you hear (queue the Beyonce song “On the Run”). It has depth and expands and contracts as the connection between two people do. So the question remains, is it real? Can it be captured? I believe it is real and can be captured. However, it guarantees nothing in the way of permanent, long-lasting; this is ‘the one’ type relationship. Hell, it doesn’t even mean that you love one another. It just provides you with a stage upon which to dance if you will.
I took an impromptu ‘man on the street’ survey to see how some friends defined chemistry. Some of their responses were thought-provoking:
- Mutual feelings between the guy and girl and get along well (vibing) Analogous to when you’re absolutely fulfilled, but always wanting more.
- Non-verbal, non-communicative agreement between two parties; it’s when the stars align and the timing is right—when things align and two people are on the same accord- when you feel like you’ve known a person all your life—can be a one way street?
- Attraction of a higher intensity that causes you to want to be around the person more often than not and you’re thinking about them even when you’re not around them- pondering the future together when you’re still in the stages of understanding who they are, makes you want the best for the person even when you don’t know what the best is
So there you have it folks, I think we can all agree that chemistry is whatever we choose to make of it. Most of the above comments I agree with; however, the one that left me thinking is whether chemistry can only be experienced by one of the two people? What happens then? Is it one of those situations like if a tree falls in the forest and no one’s around does it really make a sound? Does chemistry exist only when witnessed by both parties involved? While I don’t have the answers to these questions, I think half the fun will be figuring it out, don’t you? How would you define chemistry?