Are You Trying Too Hard to Get a Boyfriend?

Are You Trying Too Hard to Get a Boyfriend

The more dates you go on with a guy where there is mutual chemistry and a connection, the higher the likelihood of him becoming your boyfriend. In this ideal scenario, getting this guy to be your boyfriend would be effortless. More often than not, finding a boyfriend can feel like hard work. If it feels like you’re putting in a great deal of effort, you may be obsessed with getting a boyfriend. A great guy will sense the energy of desperation and be turned off.

How to know if you’re trying too hard

If you’re trying too hard, you’ll be focused on him instead of yourself. Answering these questions will help you know where you’re at when it comes to getting a boyfriend. If you answer “yes” to any of these questions, you’re trying too hard.

1. Are you too flirtatious?
2. Do you dress too provocatively?
3. Are you too available?
4. Do you wait around for him to contact you?
5. Do you pursue him?
6. Do you manipulate him in any way?
7. Do you lead guys on?
8. Do you reveal too much too soon?
9. Do you sacrifice or compromise who you are just to be with him?
10. Do you behave and act in ways you think appeals to him?
11. Do you sleep with a guy too soon, hoping things will become serious?
12. Do you ruminate and obsess over everything he said or did?
13. Do you try to force an outcome?
14. Do you tend to rush into relationships too soon?
15. Are you putting your life on hold until you meet the one?

How to let things happen naturally

If you’re putting in too much effort and things feel forced, relax and just be with the process. Live your life and do things that you love. Maintain close relationships with friends and family. When you’re out on a first, second or third date, don’t tell him your life’s story and don’t have casual sex. Reveal yourself slowly and take the time to know each other before being physically intimate. Don’t pursue a guy. Let him pursue you, then respond accordingly. This lets you learn how much (or little) a guy cares about you.
When you let things develop naturally, you’ll be able to pay more attention to his words, behaviors and actions. If he means what he says and does what he says, he is boyfriend worthy. Instead of settling for just any guy, approach dating as if you’re the bachelorette with multiple men to choose from. Take your time in getting to know the men you meet so that the boyfriend you get turns into a long-term, fulfilling relationship. Remember, love happens when you’re not trying so hard. What will you do to let love happen naturally?

If you’re frustrated and tired about not being successful in love, get your free Monthly Guide to Love. You’ll receive insightful articles, inspirational resources and best practices to get and keep a boyfriend.   


Hello, I’m Janet Ong Zimmerman, Relationship Coach at Love for Successful Women. Love is everything and you deserve to have a deep and meaningful relationship. If you want to find your soul mate, reunite with the one who got away, improve your dating life or current relationship, I help you have your ideal love life. I coach you on how to free internal barriers so you can move forward with ease and clarity to create and sustain true love.

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